Hey there, if you're reading this, do finish reading this post to get your head around what this blog is going to be like and decide whether you want to stay on. If you really happen to see this, can you leave a comment on how did you click into this blog?
It was just a thought to maybe pick up blogging again to express my emotions and thoughts exceeding 280 characters. I somehow feel bad to tweet so much every day, even if it's my second account that only has less than 15 followers. I have a journal and I do use it almost every night, but due to the size I can't carry it everywhere. Twitter has always been my best companion when I need to speak out my mind or release stress or anything. I sometimes don't get why expressing both positive and negative thoughts on Twitter makes people think that I am someone who complains alot and doesn't appreciate all the things I have. I am not like that and maybe I shouldn't care about their views.
If you're reading this, just want to give you a heads up that I have no plans to establish this blog into those fancy blogs out there. It's just my own lil world, with my daily random thought, feelings, and past memories. I will still post photos and talk about my previous trips, but keep in mind that the posts won't come in order. I have had enough schedules and plans in hi real life, and I just want to be a lil disorganised and messy here, without worrying.

Blogging has always been a disrupted process since high school. I started this blog since 2010 and I started Dayre in 2014 but I stopped both for a very long time. You can find some of my very old posts dated back in high school here, and laugh at how naive and negative this lady was when she was a girl. And oh, my writing style is/has always been pretty dull tho I am still improving. Just not a person that's good at expressing herself but she is learning. She is always learning and improving, even though the progress might be slow. Everyone has their own timeline remember? :)
So, I changed the blogspot theme but still kept the old photos on the board. Should I change all of them one day? And, I am too lazy to work around how to customise the theme html. There are very limited free blogspot themes, hence I just leave those unfixed be it, as long as the posts can be seen then it's all good.
It's 3am again.
Oh, I had roti canai for dinner today. So satisfied. Been craving for quite awhile hehe. This Malaysian Kampung Restaurant in Melbourne is a very small restaurant beside a carwash, but it is the closest thing you can find to the Malaysian mamak. The dishes are authentic mamak dishes, nasi lemak, mi goreng, roti canai, sambal and dahl, nasi kandar, teh tarik, etc. It surprised me a lot when I entered the restaurant for the first time few years back, it just smells like home, that mamak/stalls smell. And you'll smell like food afterwards and your clothes as well.
So grateful that Melbourne has a lot of good food for different cuisines, and most of the time you will be able to find authentic ones that taste close to their origins by trials and errors/surveys. Japanese, Korean, Malaysian, Chinese, Italian, you name it.
I think I should sleep instead of thinking of food. Losing fats is a very long journey, you have to fuel yourself to keep going. ;) hahahahahaha
Till then!
- 0314 -
It's 3am I know I should be sleeping but I have no idea why am I not sleepy yet.
Some random thoughts to pick up blogging again, whether to continue using this blog or start a new blog on Wix. I used Dayre before 2015-2017 but I didn't really use it that often during that period. I know I am a lazy bug who doesn't commit a lot of time to blogging yet still feel like having a platform to express my feelings and thoughts at times like these. I don't want to spam too much on Twitter. Or maybe I should just keep a journal. I actually have a journal but most of the time you won't want to get up and write while you're already in bed.
Anyway, this blog has been seriously dead for YEARS. Haven't changed a single thing on my profile descriptions, blog template and photos. If any of you happen to read this post, did you have fun looking at the old photos? Look at how young and naive we were :)
//
I wonder why going to supermarket gives me joy. I feel happy or at least calm whenever I go to supermarket, although I have nothing to buy. Just the thought of looking at variety of foods gives me happiness. I think it's a good thing, right? It's also some sort of training to refrain myself from getting all the unhealthy food that I want to eat.
//
Work has been pretty boring ever since I came back from my trip. Can I have more exciting projects? I need to find a way to focus and learn to work when it's boring. I feel like I am more of an admin more than project engineer now. The first four months of 2019 were so great and I learnt and grew so much. *Wishing for more exciting projects*
I shall really sleep or else it will be difficult to focus in the office tomorrow.
//
No matter how boring or difficult life is,
Remember to find joy in all the little things that happen around you. :)
Remember to find joy in all the little things that happen around you. :)
- 0320 -
- Toodles -
"" 世界常是黑白相間,光暗並行的,常常好與壞、真與假,疊在一塊,融成灰色。
這是一道灰牆的故事。
有那麼些曾經說著永恆但轉身的花火;
稍微不如己意就瞬間揚棄過往的好,說著難聽的話卻沒發現誰也沒欠你;
說著愛卻只允許別人走在心中預設的框架內;
也有那麼些,
人常看見改變就急於質疑別人背後別有動機而沒發現其實只是自己沒有接受萬千可能的胸襟。
靜靜默默守護著你,但瞬間會成為激烈的電光照亮你漆黑的角落;
說著驚慌可是還是願意用你的角度思考;
不急於評斷一切,於是不張揚的內心可以互相流動,互相聆聽;
用開放的心去擁抱別人的初衷看見那些雜亂世界中沉澱下的養分與美好,也願意讓你安歇。
當這些話語從不止息丟向一道灰牆,
換作是你,你有勇氣成為那道,你拼命用言語撞擊的灰牆嗎?
灰牆不說話,灰牆靜靜聆聽、反射,用艷陽下的站立、風雨下的斑駁,化作別有深意的圖騰,做出回答。灰牆裡,是有心的。
用這首歌,致那些包圍著我的回音,
撞擊我,同時也保護我,
致那些當中美好的,
是你們讓回音成了合音,與我唱和,成為知音。""
帶我至空,掂然起舞的那些,理解的回音,
吳青峰, 陳粒〈空舞〉
每个人在你生命里出现的意义都不同。 也许他的出现是为了让以前的你勇敢踏出自己的舒适圈,就踏出了那么一小步认识更多不同高中的朋友。 然而因你自己的努力和不懈也何其幸运地把友情维持到了现在, 虽然不常联络但他们都还在远方给予你支持与关怀。 一直很想感谢他当年看似无意的举动竟然悄声无息地改变了其中一部分想要有变化的你(和命运)。
现在已是 2019年5月5日早上6点22分。 还在这里打着这一篇, 看来你真的很需要一个出口。 其实说真的如果不知道他们告诉你的那一些事然后不能把这些细节拼凑起来,你也真的根本不会有这些想法。 无论如何, 你会好的, 真的, 这没什么。 你只是需要一个把这些从心里都输出去的地方, 然后会好的。 这也可能是时差在作祟。
只是感叹当年的自己是多么的迟钝, 一直到今年才知道以前的一些从未有人开口提的事。 身边到底是有多少朋友曾经察觉到, 却从未提问过。
在还未出发的几个月前跟一位很久没有联络的老朋友不知怎么的开始聊了聊天, 提到了大家好久不见。 聊到了高中时期的你如何 heartless 如何从不对任何人轻易敞开心扉, 提到了各自的近况至少还活着死不了, 聊到了以前好玩的英文补习。 然后提到了我最后一次见到那位老师是和那個他两人一起去的。 其实说真的记不起原来还有这一段回忆。 记起当时可能是你或他都还没出国吧, 而他需要老师帮他写推荐信, 而你想念老师却不敢去找他。反正原因是什么过程结果是什么都无所谓。 只不过是一段记忆。 然后这位老朋友不知哪根筋不对, 说自己终于要把多年以前的事情说出口, 把他给“出卖”了。 说他以前想从他那里挖很多你的讯息。 现在回想可能以前的自己也有些察觉可是老觉得是他只是人太好也很大可能是自己不敢多想。 当时跟老朋友聊天的时候没多想, 因为时隔那么多年以后这些事都没意义了, 不是么?
时间推进到三个星期前。。。
也许好久没见, 又更多的生疏了, 更是没有过单独两个人待在同一个空间 (特别是你不是个可以容易在只有两个人的情况下觉得舒适的人, 除非特别熟悉), 所以再次相遇时空气中弥漫着些许尴尬的气氛。 细节就不多说了。 总之气氛感觉有些微妙, 但你却形容不出是什么, 大概真的是太久没联络了吧, 抑或许俩人都太小心翼翼不敢说太多而不小心触碰你在慢慢恢复的伤疤。 洗漱整理休息了, 一起吃了早饭, 聊了好多, 一起在等你女生好朋友到之前到处走走, 不小心迷了一段小路, 又聊了好多, 直到去接你朋友。
三个人一起度过了这次旅程中最美好的其中一天。 他们无时无刻地懟天懟地懟空气, 自己静静地看着他们互动也很好玩很自在。 很感谢他本是一顿晚餐的相聚变成了一整天的陪伴。 真的很幸福。 晚餐后他决定到我们民宿住一晚 (虽然想了很久但还是去了)。 仨人一起看最新的GOT, 一起吃零食喝酒, 躺下后更是聊了很多很多很深的话题, 更進一步地了解對方。 我當時躺著沒力氣了, 從飛機上下來沒休息超過二十四消失了, 但還是堅持聽他們聊天到四點。 第二天真的很不舍离别, 因為这是你们认识那么多年以来第一次“旅行”, 而且是在国外。 又有谁曾设想过在补习中心认识的伙伴们能够维持到现在且在国外相聚。
那天晚上躺着的时候你和女朋友还在想着前一晚, 她很小心地问了是否知道当年的事。 说她以前察觉过可是无从确认, 所以想從你這裡確認。 你也只好跟她说你也不知道, 因为都只是别人察觉的, 可他却重来没有任何表示。 其实你真的也没多想。 直到你朋友说他前一天和当天早上都一而再,再而三的重复着他比较容易注意到和欣赏短发的女孩。 想当年, 若还会有谁记得这里和看到了这篇, 都知那短发女孩是何人吧。 可笑的是短发女孩没察觉直到她的朋友提醒了她, 是不是他在暗示过去的什么。 你却沉默不语没多说了, 因為你想起了他不只在只有三個人的情況下說過。 可是事隔快十年了, 多想這點不是没什么意义么。
想在旅程结束前在伦敦再见一面, 但是你迟迟不敢问, 怕打扰他学习。 而女朋友一直怂恿你问, 还说若不敢打扰那她来幫忙開玩笑地问, 而你不知为什么有一天就硬着头皮问了。
所以,旅程结束前的一天约了他见面一起吃晚餐聊了很多。 他真的很優秀, 你可以更加確認的 是每个优秀的人背后都有很多不为人知的辛酸, 别人看不到的奋斗 (包括你自己)。 不知怎的从而聊到雖然不常但原来他持续用着自己的方式默默地关心你的近况。 不想多说是什么方式但对不懂中文的人是挺麻烦的。 得知有个人一直在遥远的地方默默地关心自己 (中文不知能不能称之为在乎, 但英文肯定是 care enough),然而若干年后才让你知道, 那心情和滋味是非常复杂的。 震惊的, 感慨的, 伤感的, 也是幸福的。 於是加強了离别时的不舍。 不要误会有什么表示, 就因什么都没有, 就因那一份觉得彼此看似知道那一段高中的過往却不戳破的默契。 有些話語微不足道, 但卻是溫暖的港灣。
那晚因离别而感伤, 胡思乱想, 拼凑了好多, 才成了现在的这篇秘密。 你知道你是个很少两个人单独出去的人, 不论男女, 所以只要可以和愿意只有俩人出去的, 那人不是在你生命中有一定足够的分量就是你觉得足够熟悉(不同定义)足够信任。 在飞机上感慨, 回到家又想到, 真的不好受。 所以决定了,
与其对着回忆难受, 倒不如好好地迎接每一次可能的遇见。 若是有缘,哪怕错过了,兜兜转转也最终会遇到。 该遇到和留下的始终会留在你生命中。 其实真的没什么, 只是感慨離別成了長大的必然; 於是每一刻提醒自己真心以對, 不留給自己後悔的空間。 再遇见之前各自在生命中努力的活着, 绽放着吧。

「我試著騙自己,有散也有聚,
只是想起了,再無人聆聽,不如歸去。」
- 在倒时差的你, 笔 -