摯友的定義？ 

其實還在摸索中。 

暫時的理解是， 她/他在你失落低谷的時候陪伴著你，聽你説話， 在你清醒的時候提醒你可以怎麽進步、思考、一起討論一些人生方向話題。 

何其幸運地有那麽少數幾個這樣的朋友， 真的不多。 

我也希望在他們眼中我也可以是他們在失落的時候可以傾訴陪伴他們的對象， 也可以幫助他們，和他們一起進步的朋友。 

Still waiting to go back! Also still waiting for a trip together! 

Tho I don't make sense some times, still thankful for people who listen to me. Tho you guys don't make sense some times too HAHAHA

Tho we have pretty different personalities and preferences, to the quite extreme sometimes, but I am grateful that we try to understand each other and not being judgemental. 

Please take care at where you are now. Let me know if you need to talk or rant or do whatever. Life is not easy during Covid especially when you are alone and you can't go home tho it is quite close to home. 

感恩。

Grateful.

Love you.

「你若盛開， 清風自來」

- 10.05.2020 -

《你好，舊時光》

林楊很好， 余周周很好。 永遠的小太陽太暖了。 可是現實生活中不會有這樣的人吧。 就算有那也是他人的幸運。 我很好奇是不是每個心裏住著少女的人都會想把自己代入成主角啊。 

看完了不禁讓人深思： 

高中時候的你， 想要十年後的你是什麽樣子？

距離高中一年級， 整整十年了。

都感覺自己老了。 還是老樣子好像怎麽都沒變， 還是那麽地多愁善感， 還是那麽地孩子氣， 還是那麽地不善與人交流。 但其實也什麽都變了吧， 往好的方向想， 自己變得比以前更沉得住氣， 也不再那麽地暴躁 （雖然脾氣還是嗯， 不那麽好， 但是努力學習中）。 很多事情想説， 到了嘴邊卻已經説不出口了。 學會了選擇説什麽話， 雖然還在學習中。 生活中多了很多很多的小心翼翼， 怕一不小心像小學和中學不懂事的我又丟失了朋友。 

是啊， 也許很多人都會安慰， 哎呀 朋友不必多， 有那麽幾個知心的就夠了。 我也不貪心， 只不過小時候可能真的太白癡太不懂事吧， 導致現在沒有從小學或中學開始特親密， 沒有斷過聯係的朋友。 是很想念某些個他們， 想要聯係， 卻找不到藉口啊。 何必往自己臉上貼冷敷呢。 很多時候在國外待著， 看了網上各種老朋友同學就算分隔距離很遠但還是保持著很好的關係， 總覺得自己好失敗。 可是人生已經不能重來了。 很多時候很恨自己爲什麽當時沒看清自己的蠢樣， 也許現在也還沒看清以前是怎麽個蠢法， 但都已經來不及了， 是麽？ 看淡了但其實也不完全， 太矛盾了我不是麽。 

可能就是因爲這樣開始往外跑吧。 然後很孤獨的生活著。 感激還有那麽幾個大學特好的朋友們一直遙遠的拉著我一起前進。 

這七個月以來是我第一次離家大老遠的在“外地”工作， 沒依靠沒朋友沒車， 只有同事和繁雜工作。 一直想沉下心來好好想想自己的未來， 可我還是沒做到。 老是鴕鳥心態。 一直焦慮了多個月。 飲食方面出了問題。 壓力太大荷爾蒙作祟連例假多個月都缺席。 

好處是， 是， 錢是比以前多了就那麽一點點。 學到了很多沒接觸過的不管是技術、處事、工作、生活方面， 還有大人們的人際關係和大國際生產公司的世界還真令人大開眼界。 

也許當下覺得很煎熬， 但若你能熬過這一關可能你會感激自己挺過來了。

但我賭上了我的精神， 賭上了我的身心健康。 這考驗會值得嗎？

在這裏壓力真的好大， 很多時候都喘不過氣來。 很焦慮， 很擔心因爲自己的無知而出了大錯。 上個星期直屬上司a.k.a. mentor走了。 在這種節骨眼上走， 我知道的時候心裏真的崩潰了。 短短幾天内發生了很多事情就不細説了。 但是臨走前 mentor 説得對， 我還是個學習中的人， 拿著比他們都還低的工資， 他們也不能期望我可以像他們一樣做同樣多和相同難度的工作。 所以如果真的做不了， 就別給自己壓力太大。 而且外面也不只有這麽一兩個公司， 外面的世界還很精彩， 多給自己機會出去闖闖。 這裏真的呆不下去了， 也不用翻臉， 好好走就是， 圈子那麽小， 都是後會有期的。 

確實需要深思熟慮， 自己以後憧憬什麽樣的人生。 暫時沒什麽偉大的夢想， 只想要好好的修復自己， 身心健康， 知足快樂。 期待你找到自己的價值、定位。

做個普通人有什麽不好呢。 不一定非得是特別優秀特別能幹的那一種人。  不要給自己那麽大的壓力了好嗎。  所謂優秀并不一定得比別人好， 而是一直勇敢地超越自己。

好好為自己生活， 而不是活著你想讓別人看到你怎麽活的生活。 

自己不盡懷疑， 我們每個人是不是都不曾了解過任何一個人， 包括自己。

• 十年前的你， 可曾憧憬過會像現在這般生活著？ • 現在的你是否在為了嚮往的十年後而努力的活著。

Hey there, if you're reading this, do finish reading this post to get your head around what this blog is going to be like and decide whether you want to stay on. If you really happen to see this, can you leave a comment on how did you click into this blog?

It was just a thought to maybe pick up blogging again to express my emotions and thoughts exceeding 280 characters. I somehow feel bad to tweet so much every day, even if it's my second account that only has less than 15 followers. I have a journal and I do use it almost every night, but due to the size I can't carry it everywhere. Twitter has always been my best companion when I need to speak out my mind or release stress or anything. I sometimes don't get why expressing both positive and negative thoughts on Twitter makes people think that I am someone who complains alot and doesn't appreciate all the things I have. I am not like that and maybe I shouldn't care about their views. 

If you're reading this, just want to give you a heads up that I have no plans to establish this blog into those fancy blogs out there. It's just my own lil world, with my daily random thought, feelings, and past memories. I will still post photos and talk about my previous trips, but keep in mind that the posts won't come in order. I have had enough schedules and plans in hi real life, and I just want to be a lil disorganised and messy here, without worrying.

Blogging has always been a disrupted process since high school. I started this blog since 2010 and I started Dayre in 2014 but I stopped both for a very long time. You can find some of my very old posts dated back in high school here, and laugh at how naive and negative this lady was when she was a girl. And oh, my writing style is/has always been pretty dull tho I am still improving. Just not a person that's good at expressing herself but she is learning. She is always learning and improving, even though the progress might be slow. Everyone has their own timeline remember? :) 

So, I changed the blogspot theme but still kept the old photos on the board. Should I change all of them one day? And, I am too lazy to work around how to customise the theme html. There are very limited free blogspot themes, hence I just leave those unfixed be it, as long as the posts can be seen then it's all good. 

It's 3am again. 

Oh, I had roti canai for dinner today. So satisfied. Been craving for quite awhile hehe. This Malaysian Kampung Restaurant in Melbourne is a very small restaurant beside a carwash, but it is the closest thing you can find to the Malaysian mamak. The dishes are authentic mamak dishes, nasi lemak, mi goreng, roti canai, sambal and dahl, nasi kandar, teh tarik, etc. It surprised me a lot when I entered the restaurant for the first time few years back, it just smells like home, that mamak/stalls smell. And you'll smell like food afterwards and your clothes as well. 

So grateful that Melbourne has a lot of good food for different cuisines, and most of the time you will be able to find authentic ones that taste close to their origins by trials and errors/surveys. Japanese, Korean, Malaysian, Chinese, Italian, you name it. 

I think I should sleep instead of thinking of food. Losing fats is a very long journey, you have to fuel yourself to keep going. ;) hahahahahaha 

Till then!

- 0314 -

It's 3am I know I should be sleeping but I have no idea why am I not sleepy yet.

Some random thoughts to pick up blogging again, whether to continue using this blog or start a new blog on Wix. I used Dayre before 2015-2017 but I didn't really use it that often during that period. I know I am a lazy bug who doesn't commit a lot of time to blogging yet still feel like having a platform to express my feelings and thoughts at times like these. I don't want to spam too much on Twitter. Or maybe I should just keep a journal. I actually have a journal but most of the time you won't want to get up and write while you're already in bed.

Anyway, this blog has been seriously dead for YEARS. Haven't changed a single thing on my profile descriptions, blog template and photos. If any of you happen to read this post, did you have fun looking at the old photos? Look at how young and naive we were :)

//

I wonder why going to supermarket gives me joy. I feel happy or at least calm whenever I go to supermarket, although I have nothing to buy. Just the thought of looking at variety of foods gives me happiness. I think it's a good thing, right? It's also some sort of training to refrain myself from getting all the unhealthy food that I want to eat.

//

Work has been pretty boring ever since I came back from my trip. Can I have more exciting projects? I need to find a way to focus and learn to work when it's boring. I feel like I am more of an admin more than project engineer now. The first four months of 2019 were so great and I learnt and grew so much. *Wishing for more exciting projects*

I shall really sleep or else it will be difficult to focus in the office tomorrow.

//

No matter how boring or difficult life is,
Remember to find joy in all the little things that happen around you. :)

- 0320 -

- Toodles -